If Only There Was You
by Ayumi Kairo
Summary: Roxas has come into the life of the Nobodies. Confused and broken he only wants to know how to feel alright again. It will take a rollercoaster relationship with a shocking redhead to do the trick. AxelRoxas, RikuSora, SeiferHayner.
1. Twice That Night

**Note: Okay, so you can kill me... now! I know, I know. I need to stop doing this. This writing new stories. I'll get on with my FFVII stories soon enough. Until then, let me go please?.**

**Warning: This will have slash pairings (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's boyxboy) so if you are somehow offended by this then I have on thing to say to you LEAVE! I will not get flamed just because someone doesn't like a pairing. Language is also an issue, though both of these really don't pertain to this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: It's sad, but the only way in which I own Kingdom Hearts is in a little case downstairs in my game cabinet. Other than that, Squeenix gets all the credit.**

**If Only There Was You**

**By: Ayumi Kairo**

**Chapter I: Twice That Night**

**POV: Roxas**

**Time: 11:35 pm**

**Location: Twilight Town**

I roamed a town I had once known. The lights were low, a sure sign it was night, and no sounds could be heard. At least, not by my ears, which were sensitive beyond measure now. It was cold. I couldn't seem to stop myself from shivering. Yet, the trembling could be from a number of things. It seemed unlikely that the temperature around me was low. I felt sweat dripping down my neck. The same sweat that was mingling with the tears running down my cheeks. My body racked with another strangled sob.

No one saw me, I was sure, no one came to my rescue. Not that I was expecting them to. This wasn't that kind of place. There wasn't enough thought put into it yet. Someone was forgetting something. They weren't quite finished with this town. Soon though, I knew, soon it would be finished. I hoped so anyway. I needed someone to help me.

I couldn't remember my name. Some kind of amnesia? There were things about this place that were familiar. TLTW. Those letters that I saw everywhere stood for TWILIGHT TOWN. A gateway to light. Also, a gateway to darkness. But which would I choose? Did I even have a choice?

My clothes were torn, as I felt the wind hit my side and trembled at the feeling. One of my pant legs was completely gone, leaving the red fabric to reach the middle of my thigh. My bare arms crossed at my chest. I was trying to hold what little heat I had in. I kept walking, more like stumbling, through the alleys. I enjoyed the concealment it provided.

I made my way down a hill and into a back alley. It didn't really lead to anywhere exciting, just another road and an opening covered by a curtain. I wasn't sure if anything was off limits, but I took the risk and pulled the curtain back. I walked into a cluttered room. The posters on the wall and the blanket lying haphazardly across a couch gave me the impression that the space belonged to a teenager.

When my shivering once again brought me from my thoughts, I quickly snatched up the blanket and threw it over my shoulders. Sinking to the couch, I rocked back and forth to keep myself warm. I closed my eyes against an oncoming headache and swallowed hard at a lump in my throat. Though neither did anything to stave off my rising nausea. I laid down on the couch and curled into a ball. Gods, I felt so sick.

I felt like I hadn't eaten for days, though I didn't really remember. Whatever it was I was feeling was eating away at my body and mind. Sleep was so close. I could feel the edges of my consciousness slipping under and I was left with a hazy sense of self. I just wanted to rest.

"Shh…" I heard a voice say through chuckles near the door I had just come in, "don't wanna get caught."

"Why do I let you talk me into these things?" Came another voice and I sat up strait. I could see two figures standing in the doorway.

"Because," said the first voice, "you need a little adventure in your life."

"Oh what would I do without you, Seifer?" Said the other.

"Not anything fun, that's for sure." The guy, I imagined was named Seifer, replied as he flicked on a battery powered lamp.

My heart raced as the two glanced around the room. I didn't know what I was going to do. I knew they would see me; but how would they react to see me sitting on their couch, covering up my wet body with their blanket? No doubt, they'd be pissed. I could try and make a run for it, but that would only draw attention to myself. So there I was, counting down the seconds before their eyes fell on me.

But when they did, nothing happened. Their eyes passed over me like I wasn't even there. I got this weird feeling. It was as if they _couldn'_t see me. I creased my brow in confusion and stood up, thinking maybe now they would see. It was strange. At first, I was afraid of them finding me, now, that was all I wanted. They could help me. Possibly tell me who I was. I purposely stepped toward them

"Why didn't you tell me about this place, Hayner?" Seifer asked while moving farther into the room. Out of instinct, I stopped walking.

"You never asked." The other boy, who was shorter than Seifer moved forward also. He placed his hand on Seifer's side and laid his head on the taller boy's shoulder. Seifer turned his head to kiss the top of Hayner's affectionately.

If I hadn't already been frozen, my entire body went rigid now. It felt so long since I'd last seen any people, and now that I should be getting my chance, they could see no one but themselves.

Seifer turned around to face Hayner and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's figure. He kissed Hayner again, this time a little more forcefully. A small moan escaped Hayner's mouth, or was that Seifer? I wasn't sure from where I was standing. Soon the kiss, which had started out somewhat innocent, deepened. It seemed to leave the two in a tangle of limbs connected at the face. Apparently sloppiness wasn't an issue, but they broke apart eventually. Gasping for air, but still clinging desperately to each other.

"I missed you." Hayner said, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead into Seifer's chest. I was almost waiting for him to start crying.

"I know," Seifer said rubbing Hayner's back affectionately, "I'm so sorry."

"Don't leave me again." If possible Hayner pulled himself closer to Seifer.

"I won't, I won't." Seifer swallowed hard.

I felt my shivers return to me when hearing those words. Something about them seemed so familiar. As if I should remember them from somewhere. As if I had heard them directed to me at one time. My tears came back also and I found myself running from the couple, trying my hardest not to make a sound.

The curtain didn't seem like that much of an obstacle at first. However, when my hand got caught while trying to open it, I cursed my blurring tears under my breath. I would certainly be discovered now, as I fell to the ground. The curtain would come down on top of me. I could only wait for the sickening crack against my head when I hit the ground.

Yet, it didn't come.

Instead of hitting the hard ground and busting my head open, I fell into something soft. Something, I couldn't help but notice, that my body seemed to mold into. I laid my head back and let go of the curtain that was tangled in my hand, thanking all the gods that it didn't tear down. I wondered vaguely what it was that I had landed on and looked up to see bright green eyes and a shock of wild red hair.

"Didn't think we'd skip intros." Said the man that I had fallen on. I quickly stood and faced him, brushing off my pants and panting from fright and embarrassment. He watched me with an amused expression, while straitening up himself.

I had fallen into his arms, almost perfectly. It was as if he had been waiting for me. I wasn't worried so much about that though. Not as much as I was worried with him seeing me. He was the first person to take notice of me this whole night.

"You okay?" His amusement turned to worry so quickly it surprised me. Then again, everything was surprising me lately.

"You… you can… see…me?" I asked shakily. I thought my voice would be crack a little, I was thirsty, but the barely audible whisper that escaped my lips was hardly recognizable.

"Who are you?" He asked more patiently than I would have imagined.

"I don't…," my voice failed me and I slumped forward. Again I was left with the realization that I would hit the ground hard and be able to do nothing about it. Yet, again he was there, wrapping his arms around my limp form and lifting me into the air.

"It's alright." He whispered soothingly into my ear as I lay my head on his shoulder. Against his body I could tell my own was trembling even more. Even safety in his arms was jeopardized by the feeling of dizziness that threatened to consume me. I clung to him, his warmth, his softness, his security. I allowed my eyes to close, only after the assurance that he was there.

"It's alright," he whispered again and I could tell he had started walking by the slight bumps to my body every once in a while, "I know who you are, I'll take you home."

"Home…" I didn't know if there was such a place for me. Certainly, I would have remembered something like that. Everything about myself seemed to elude me time and time again this night, taking evasive action from a clearly unstable mind. I clung to the redhead again.

"By the way," he said in the casual voice he had used when first meeting me, "my name's Axel. Got it memorized?"

I did have it memorized. If anything I knew I wouldn't forget this. This person who could see me, and knew who I was, and knew about my home. I would never let go of the name, never forget. Just like I was clinging to his black coat, I clung to the sound of his voice in my head. His voice meant safety at the present time, and that was the one thing I desperately needed.

Axel. Axel. Axel. I whispered his name like a mantra, though too softly for him to hear. I kept doing that the entire time he was carrying me. I imagined after a while I fell asleep, but even my dreams were plagued by my shattered memories. Axel. Axel. Axel. He was security even in my dreams. Never let go.

**_It's about time you remembered who you are. _**The voice that I had grown almost accustomed to this night said in my dreams. I couldn't see him, but the voice was familiar.

_I wish I could. _I said, or rather thought, back. Something about this place didn't seem right. Like, I wasn't safe here, like I needed to leave. Yet, no doors were found, no way out was visible.

_**You will soon enough. Just a little more time Dear One. Cling to him, cling to him tight.**_

And I did. I clung to my security unconsciously. As my dream drove me further through broken windows of facts of my life that I couldn't piece together. I had a major headache when I woke again. Though that could be from a number of things. They say, when you have a fever you can get delusional. Maybe that was all that was happening to me, and when I went home everything would be better. Yet, I highly doubted that when I was shaken awake by Axel and I took a look at what he described to me as home.

The castle was bigger than anything I had ever seen and I found myself wanting to shrink away from it. Unfortunately, Axel prevent all means of escape with a firm grasp of my body. Instead, I buried my face into his chest as he kept walking to the imposing building.

"I'll get you help, I promise." He said. I didn't see the journey he made to his final destination. I was however urged to look up when we reached it.

The room we were in reminded me of a storage closet. A very large storage closet, filled with junk and stacked with papers. The sides of the room were built in shelves, containing volume after volume of who-knows-what. As I looked around the place I didn't even notice that someone else was with Axel and me. I was pulled from my frightening thoughts when my chin was grasped gently and my face was turned towards a third party.

He was wearing the same long, black coat Axel was wearing, but there was something completely different about this man. There was no kindness to his eyes. He stared down at me through his silver bangs as if he demanded me to speak. Though I said no words, my voice was completely useless now.

"I found him in Twilight Town." Axel said, coming to my rescue once again. Not without a price though. The man turned his hard eyes to the redhead who was carrying me.

"I thought I told you to stay away from that place." he said harshly. His words would have been less frightening had he yelled them. Still, Axel did not seem fazed.

"DiZ told me to go." He argued. Of course, I had no idea who DiZ was, but from the way Axel was speaking of him, he sounded better than the man we were with now. "Now move it, Xemnas."

"And you found yourself a little toy." Xemnas said, venom lacing his words as he turned back to me. My hand unconsciously tightened on Axel's coat sleeve.

"He's one of us." Axel said calmly now. I looked up at him in astonishment. One of them? What did he mean?

"Everyone's one of us to you, Axel," Xemnas said, "it's a surprise you haven't gotten yourself killed yet. What with that faith you seem to have in everyone."

"I'm here to see DiZ," Axel said and bypassed Xemnas deftly. He walked through a doorway that I hadn't noticed until then. We left Xemnas in the storage closet looking as stoic as when we had first entered it.

If I was expecting anything from this place, it certainly wasn't this. I had seen darkness before, but the comparison with this next room was frightening with what I had thought it to be. The words 'impending doom' came to mind, and though I hated the term, it was the only way to describe t. the dark was infinite, as the only light inside the room came from a small computer in the corner. I couldn't really see that anything else was in here, but I doubted it would help in the lighting. I was proven wrong when a lantern was lit to our right by another person I didn't recognize.

With the coming of the light and the other person, I clung to Axel ever the more tighter. He gave my arm a reassuring squeeze and turned acidic eyes away from me. I too looked at the third person and noticed she was wearing the same black cloak as everyone else I had seen. I was sensing a trend.

"Where's DiZ?" Axel asked sounding annoyed. He gently set me on my own feet, but kept me standing with a firm hold of my waist. My shaking worsened while I was now relying on my own limbs for stability. I still leaned heavily into Axel though and he did not object.

"DiZ will be back shortly," the woman said, "he told me to tell you to wait here while I get Roxas into a room."

Roxas? Who was that? I didn't think I could handle meeting another person tonight. I was already having a hard enough time keeping everyone I had already met strait.

"I'm not going to let you take him anywhere, Larxene," Axel said to her, though pulling slightly away from me, "who knows what-the-fuck you'd do to him."

"Let him go, Axel." Said yet another imposing voice, now from behind us. My head ached all the more thinking there was another person I was going to have to focus on.

I could feel Axel turn his head to look at the new man that had stepped inside. He was older than the rest of us, I could tell by his voice. He was from a different world too, the accent was something I wasn't used to.

"You'll have to stand on your own," Axel whispered in my ear softly. I dreaded the moment his hand would leave my side and I braced myself for the worst.

But it didn't come.

His arm left, its presence replaced instantly by the cold air. My legs still trembled, along with the rest of my body, and my knees threatened to give. I focused all my energy on not falling over. My arms wrapped protectively around myself, Axel's warmth still needed.

"Larxene, you and Roxas may leave now," the man said, now walking in front of us, "Axel and I have some things we need to discuss."

Before I even knew what was happening, I was being pushed from the room. Pushed from Axel's safety. He was the only one I wanted to be near in this frightening place and he wasn't even coming after me. I guess I should've known better than to think he was going to be there.

"Oh, we've been waiting for you, Roxas." Larxene said as she traveled down the hall a few feet ahead of me. She was walking so fast I could hardly keep up.

"Who are you talking about?" I asked bravely through jagged breaths.

"The organization, of course." She answered glancing back at me and stopping to wait, "who did you think we were?"

I didn't really care who they were, I wanted to know who Roxas was. She wouldn't stop talking about him, and like he was right next to her. I stopped talking to her and kept walking, trying to keep up. The halls she was leading me through were lighter than the rest of the castle. They actually looked inhabited. They were trimmed with wooden panels and painted a beige color. This actually reminded me of a home.

When we got to a hall that was lined with doors on either side, Larxene seemed to speed up again. She didn't wait for me to catch up as she bounded down the hall and stopped in front of one of the doors. It took me a little while before I was next to her, looking at the wooden door with the number XIII written across it. I hadn't even noticed the doors were numbered, but as I looked around now I saw that almost every one was.

"I'll be right down the hall, in number twelve." Larxene said as she handed me what I imagined to be a key to the door in front of me. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to knock on my door. I'll be waiting to play with you tomorrow."

The way she said that made my stomach cringe and I vowed never to be alone with her if I could help it. I watched in pure fascination as she walked briskly back down the hall and turned into her own room, her blonde hair swinging a little when as she moved.

When she closed the door behind her, I turned slowly to my own room. The key, which was an odd silver and blue color, fit into a weird shaped keyhole. The thing lit up with an iridescent glow before the familiar click of a lock opening sounded. I turned the knob quietly and stepped into the room.

If Axel had thought that this was anywhere close to any home of mine, he was mistaken. I was expecting to see something I recognized, not that I recognized anything from my own life. The room was blue and silver, just like the key. The cooling colors were painted across the walls and the furniture was the same. It reminded me vaguely of the morning, when everything was new and cool. The feeling was soothing and I found myself being drawn closer into the room. I took a few tentative steps inside.

The bed was pushed up against the wall. Its white blankets promised warmth and comfort to me and I unconsciously walked over to it. I pulled back the heavy blankets, that were currently cool, due to the lack of use. The mattress was up pretty high so actually getting into the bed was something in itself, but eventually he was laying in the cushioned bed.

Of course, it wasn't long until I fell asleep once more. Dreaming of nothing and tossing and turning the entire time. And just as quickly as I had fallen into slumber I was pulled from it by an abrupt wave of nausea.

I guessed the door inside the room led to a bathroom and opened it up. I thanked the gods when I discovered that I was correct in my assumption and bounded to the ground in front of the toilet. Losing the contents of my stomach quickly thereafter. My shivers came back tenfold and I curled into a ball on the ground. The cold floor of the bathroom doing nothing for my persistent, fever induced trembles. I could feel my tears welling up in my eyes and did nothing to stop them from falling. My body racked with sobs once more.

I didn't move or speak when I heard a knock at the door. I just laid there on the ground and hoped whoever it was didn't want me too badly. I wasn't surprised when I heard the door to my room open and someone walk in. I could tell by the voice that it was Axel. I wanted nothing more than for him to find me, to help me like he did before. I tried, and failed, to yell for him. That didn't matter though, because a second later he opened the door to my bathroom.

His face wasn't one of shock, but pity, as he knelt beside me and took me into his arms once more. I laid on his lap, my head on his shoulder, shivering like mad. I could feel the sweat running down my neck again and my tears were coming freely.

"Withdrawal's a bitch." He said simply. I looked up at him with questioning eyes.

Withdrawal? What did he mean by that? Had I been into some kind of drug before he found me? It seemed likely enough. I didn't remember anything before tonight.

"Your heart, your emotions," he said after awhile, I know trying to explain it to me, "they were all taken away from you. Your body wants them back."

"My heart?" I asked. His explanation was doing nothing for me. I didn't understand. How was my heart taken away from me, my emotions?

"You don't remember anything, do you?" He asked me and I shook my head. "You will eventually."

I put my head back down and swallowed hard against a lump in my throat. It was true, I guess. I no longer felt my heart beating in my chest. I was always cold, as if my circulation was completely gone. But to be completely without emotions? I didn't believe it. I was scared, I was tired, I was somewhat angry. These were certainly emotions that I had had before, right?

"No heart." I said faintly.

"No life." He provided. "We're not supposed to exist. How can someone live without a heart?"

"This pain…"

"…seems so real." He finished for me. "I know, Roxas."

"Why do you people keep calling me that?" I asked more out of curiosity than to really learn something.

"That's your name." He replied, and I knew he meant it.

"It hurts." I whimpered as another wave of nausea came over me. I managed to hold it down though, and was grateful.

"It does get better. Whether you believe it or not." He said, stroking my hair.

"Stay with me until it does?" It was a question, but I didn't want him to take it as such. I didn't want him to have any way out of comforting me. I needed him more than anything. My security.

"Of course." He answered.

I think we stayed like that for the rest of the night, for when I woke up the next morning, he still hadn't unwound his arms from around my smaller body.

**Note: Okay, so it's long and probably not very interesting yet, but trust me it does get better. I'm contemplating leaving the whole story in Roxas' POV or changing from character to character. I don't know. Tell me what you think in a review. Please review... please?**


	2. What I Really Want

**Note: I wanted to thank all of you for your wonderful reviews. I love you all. You are the reason I write... well, you and the fact that I can't get this damned idea out of my head. Thank you all again. I hope you like this chapter as much as you liked the last one.**

**Warning: Warning: This will have slash pairings (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's boyxboy) so if you are somehow offended by this then I have on thing to say to you LEAVE! I will not get flamed just because someone doesn't like a pairing. Language is also an issue, and both are in effect in this chapter. Though mildly.**

**Disclaimer: It's sad, but the only way in which I own Kingdom Hearts is in a little case downstairs in my game cabinet. Other than that, Squeenix gets all the credit.**

**If Only There Was You**

**By: Ayumi Kairo**

**Chapter II: What I Really Want**

**POV: Axel**

**Time: 6:25 am**

**Location: The castle that never was**

I placed Roxas on his bed and stepped back to watch him. He had fallen back asleep in my arms just moments ago. His sleep wasn't peaceful, the restlessness apparent by the constant tossing and turning of his small body. The withdrawal, I knew, could keep a person in a hazy conscience for awhile. His trembles would only get worse before they got better. This weakness in his lithe form would need to be waited out. I didn't know if I could watch another person go through it.

I remembered the first time I'd felt this. It had been right after I had joined the organization. Had just gone through withdrawal myself. I was still somewhat recovering when someone else had stumbled upon us. He was sick, more so I had been, and I didn't quite know how someone could go through that kind of pain. He had been screaming for days. DiZ had told me no one had had it quite that bad before.

Demyx had only been fourteen when he came to us. A little fourteen-year-old boy, scared and helpless. DiZ had taken him in almost instantly, though admitted later that he hadn't known that Demyx had even become a Nobody. He didn't deny that Demyx needed help though, and put him in the room next to mine. I had only been sixteen then.

I remembered Demyx's first week here. He had stayed in his room for most of the days, not able to walk on his own. That had done nothing to help and he quickly made himself more sick than before. I had grown so worried and ended up staying in his room almost every night. During those nights Demyx and I had become really good friends. Of course, when I found myself fully recovered and Demyx far from it, I had become anxious and worried.

I tore my eyes away from Roxas and moved to the door of his room. I opened it softly and stepped out, trying my hardest not to wake the younger boy. My thoughts drifted back to a different blond once more as I walked down the hall.

When I had asked DiZ when Demyx was going to recover the older man had looked sadly at me and sighed.

"Demyx will never truly recover, Axel. He will always be in much more pain than anyone else here." Were his words that night and they still stung at my non-existent heart.

Demyx was someone who had fought the darkness to the very end, but was unable to fully pull it off. Demyx's heart had been ripped from his chest, and in a desperate attempt to hold onto it, Demyx had fought back. His heart had been torn in two, half gone, half left inside him. He always had a little piece of his heart within his grasp. He would always be fighting the darkness to keep that little piece of his heart inside him. Demyx would suffer to the very end.

I couldn't help but make connections between Demyx and Roxas now. The pain seemed so much more real for them than it had been for me. It was as if Roxas still had a piece of his heart left inside him, just out of reach. He would suffer too, for a long time.

I walked down the hall in sort of a daze, something that I was actually pretty used to. I was usually alone in this hallway so this wass when I did most of my thinking. And my thoughts were anything but welcoming.

All last night I had sat on the bathroom floor, Roxas in my arms. His hair had been so slick with sweat, as was the rest of his body. Yet, he couldn't stop shivering. His whole body racked with what seemed to be uncontrollable sobs, but he wasn't crying. Just trembling, trembling madly. It wasn't the best night in my life, but I couldn't help thinking that I was meant to be there. I was meant to be the one to take care of him. I surely felt obligated to.

Then again, there was my conversation with DiZ last night. He had kept me from taking Roxas to his room on my own, had kept me from making sure he was okay. The entire time I was holding Roxas to me last night, I couldn't get DiZ's words out of my head.

"Don't get too attached to him, Axel." DiZ had said, insisting on using my name just like every time he spoke to me. He acted as if I wasn't paying attention.

"I'm not." I had retorted, "I'm just worried."

"You don't need to be getting involved with someone like him." DiZ had turned then, and I had taken the gesture as my cue to leave him.

I still didn't understand it. What was so wrong with Roxas that DiZ wouldn't want me to get involved with him? Roxas was just like the rest of us, alone, heartless. What was so different about him? DiZ had never had a problem with the rest of us becoming friends, and even more than that. We all watched out for each other, like a family. Why couldn't Roxas be a part of it?

I was only vaguely aware that it had only been a few hours since I had brought Roxas here. Already, I was acting as if he belonged with us. As if he wasn't a stranger. It was true though, Roxas did belong here. Why else would DiZ have wanted me to go looking for him last night. Given that was what he had sent me to do in the first place. I didn't know, DiZ's orders were never very clear.

That still didn't explain why I had come across the young blond last night though. Why I had caught him just as he was about to fall. I'd admit, I wasn't expecting him to crush me like that. But he hadn't crushed me. I had known he would fall and caught him just as he had done so. I had been the only one to see him all night. I had been sent out to find something and I had. I had found him. Shivering and frightened Roxas. Why would I not want to get involved with someone that seemed so helpless? He was nothing but a threat to himself right now.

Ugh… Now I was getting a headache. I hated trying to wrap my head around things I didn't understand. And that didn't happen very often.

I didn't want to go to my own room, knowing the red paint would only intensify my headache. So I turned to the door just before mine, with the number IX written on the top. Demyx's room. I turned the knob quietly, knowing he never locked his door, and walked in.

Demyx's room was painted cool light and dark blues. His element being water, the colors suited him well. His bed was an aquamarine color, sheets and all. And currently there was some blond hair poking out from the top of those oceanic covers. I walked lazily to the side of his bed, a plan forming the entire time.

3...2...1!

I leapt onto the bed right beside him and sent him flying in the air a few feet. A shocked, but muffled yelp was heard as he went airborne and came crashing back down. He was already cursing me before he could fully disentangle himself from the blankets.

"Fuckin' A, Axel!" He yelled and I smirked widely. If looks could kill, I would have burned in hell twice now.

"Good morning." I said, no traces of my previous brooding mood left in my voice. I laughed as he shook his head disapprovingly at my antics. I could always get a good laugh from Demyx. When he heard my chuckles he promptly flew back onto his side and tried to fake sleep. "Oh Demyx," I protested, "don't leave me here all alone. No one else is awake."

"And for good reason, Ax, it's…" he looked to his nightstand, which held a small alarm clock, "fuckin' six-thirty in the morning. Go back to fuckin' sleep."

"Can't." I said simply and laid my head on his hip where it protruded from the blankets. I traced little lines up his spine and he shivered against my touch. He swatted my hand away.

"Well, stop bothering me so I can." He said, his voice muffled again because he had thrown the cover over his head. I didn't stop in my torments with my finger. I knew he wouldn't be able to ignore me. Demyx hated it whenever someone touched his spine.

"Alright," he said turning to face me now, "I'm up, I'm up."

I smiled triumphantly and he rolled his eyes dramatically. I felt my stomach cringe when he did that. There, in that twilight that engulfed his room in the early morning hours, his oceanic blue eyes held shone brightly. Sparkling with… something. I couldn't quite put my finger it, but I knew it was something I wanted to take away. Pain? Sorrow? Was I just imagining things?

Demyx's eyes had always held that there I knew, but now it seemed different. Now, it was like a secret we kept with each other. I was the only one who knew of his pain and he wanted me to take it away. I didn't know why these thoughts flooded my mind now, but I had a feeling it wasn't a coincidence. Something had happened to me. Something that I couldn't explain and I was more than a little frightened of it.

When had these thoughts even started? I had known Demyx was in pain, a pain even I couldn't imagine, since he came to us. A pain that he hadn't expressed to anyone. A pain that he and I knew he was suffering from.

"Are you okay?" He asked, not completely pulling me from my thoughts. I didn't stop staring into his eyes. Eyes that always held the remnants of tears he wouldn't allow to fall to the ground. Eyes that looked at me the same way every time I caught them with my own. And yet, they were more familiar now than ever before.

Roxas. That was when it had started. When I looked into Roxas' eyes the night before as he pleaded for me to stay with him. His eyes had looked the same as Demyx's did right now. So full of pain, and confusion. Pain and confusion that I so desperately wanted to take away, but didn't know how.

"_**Don't get too attached to him, Axel."**_

DiZ's words kept playing in my head. Over and over and over. With the memory I said them out loud, eliciting a raised eyebrow from Demyx. He was just getting more and more confused and it was my fault. It was all my fault.

Roxas' confused eyes merged with Demyx's and I found myself looking into both of them with my own tear filled green ones. I wanted nothing more than to take that confusion away. To show them both I understood.

But I didn't understand.

Demyx's pain. Roxas' confusion. I didn't understand it at all, and they knew it.

I traced my hand up Demyx's chest, circling the place where his heart should have been when I got there. I felt his muscles constrict when I reached it. A low hiss escaped his lips. When I pressed harder, my hand was torn away from his flesh. I looked up into Demyx's eyes, that were currently filled with more pain than I'd ever seen them.

"S..st..stop." He managed to say through jagged breaths. "Gods, just stop it. That hurts."

Of course it did. That was why I had done it. I looked back down to where my fingers had touched his chest. Small lines traced where my fingers had been. Burning through the skin slightly.

A small moan of protest shot from Demyx's mouth as my own found its way to his flat abdomen. I lightly brushed my lips against the area that I had touched, soothing the burns with my kisses. My tongue darted out when I got to the particular spot above his heart. Demyx had long since stopped protesting and melted against me. He seemed so fragile and young in that point.

"I want to know." I said, making my way up to be level with him. I dragged my tongue along the shell of his ear. He hissed again, this time, no where close to pain. "I want to know what it's like."

"What are you talking about?" He asked, looking into my acidic eyes, his own darkened with lust and something else. Anger?

"Your pain," I said quickly before he could reject me, "I want to know."

He sighed heavily and his eyes fell away, looking at my chest instead. The pain was back, the lust gone.

"No, Axel." He said simply.

"Why!"

I sat up, angry but not sure why. I saw him rub his shoulder at the spot I had just pushed off from.

"Why, what?" He asked calmly. He wasn't angry, I knew, but he was frustrated.

"Why won't you show me?" I could feel the tears welled in my eyes.

"Show you what, Axel, what do you want from me?" His voice seemed hurt, like I had said something to offend him. "What is this about?"

Instantly, my thoughts traveled to another young blond lying in his bed, shivering and sweating from a pain I could only imagine now. Everything here seemed to come down to him. I just wasn't able to admit it aloud.

"I just want to know." I said softly. "Why aren't you angry? Why aren't you sharing this with me?"

"Is that what you want," he asked confusedly, "for me to be angry with you?"

"Yes!" I screamed. Gods, why didn't he get it? I had been deprived of all feeling for a very long time, I needed something. And if that something was pain, then so be it.

"I'm not angry with you, Axel, I just don't understand." His voice was still as calm as ever. When had we switched roles? When had I become the immature, young one?

"I hurt you, damn it Demyx, I deliberately hurt you," I was standing now, "and you just sit there acting as if nothing is wrong. I hurt you and you know it, yet you do nothing. I want to know what it's like to have that pain. I need to know."

"You're tired, and you're obviously mad about something, Ax, you don't know what you need." He spoke with finality.

"Don't you understand, I do need to. It's been so long since I've felt anything, anything at all and…" I broke off dropping back down onto the bed.

"And what?"

"…And he's… he's so… alone." I said.

"Ahh," Demyx said in realization, "so that's what this is about. You don't need me to show you anything."

I looked up, about to protest, but he held his hand out to stop me. He took my hand in his and pulled me closer. With his other hand he guided my head to his chest, where I planted my ear. I could hear the faint beat of his heart. I smiled slightly at the thought of it.

"This has nothing to do with you knowing his pain, Axel." He said, his voice much clearer than the beat in his chest. "You know what he's going through even without going through it yourself."

I looked back up at him. He stroked my unruly red hair and kissed the top of my head. I closed my eyes against his touch.

"You know, because it's no different from your pain. If you hadn't gone through it yourself, how could you have reassured him all last night while you laid with him. Rocking him to sleep, no doubt, just like you did to me two years ago." Demyx's voice had grown somewhat distant, as if he were reliving a memory. I nodded at his words.

"Granted, you have your days," he continued and looked me in the eye again, "you're a nurturer at heart, whether you'd like to admit it or not."

He was going by past experiences with me. Like when he had first come here. I had stayed with him, in this very room, for weeks. Trying my damnedest to get him to feel better. It was funny to confess, but I hated seeing people in pain. Especially if I could do nothing to stop it.

"How is the kid, anyway?" He asked, sobering and I was pulled from my own thoughts.

"Hardly a kid," I said sitting up strait and running a hand through my hair, "he's only about a year younger than you. If that."

"He's new to us," Demyx argued, "he's a kid."

I wasn't that Demyx was bitter. He just knew that there was a lot Roxas was going to have to go through. He was right, compared to us, Roxas was a child. He was just starting to grow up. We had had to do that very quickly. Though, this experience would give him a head start down that road.

I creased my brow in thought. What would Roxas really have to go through here? It was always different for all of the rest of us. I had lost most of my memories, though some still stuck with me. Demyx was still in pain to this day. The rest of us had to go through some traumatic event to become a nobody, and then live with the decision of never going back to the way we were. Roxas didn't even remember who he was. It was understandable, he was in a lot of pain right now. Yet, to forget everything. Even who he used to be. I wondered what had happened to him. Would he ever be the same? Not that I had any say, I hadn't known him before.

"You should back to him." Demyx's words caught me off guard. He shifted on his bed so he could stand up. He turned back to look at me. "You would feel better."

It was true. I would feel better if I could stay with him, but DiZ had given me specific orders. I wasn't to stay too close to him. I wasn't to get involved. DiZ was so confusing at times. He wouldn't have sent me to Twilight Town if he hadn't thought I would find something. Yet, after I find it, he wants me to stay away. I knew, it was too late now. I was too far involved. I needed to be beside him. I needed to know he was safe. I was the one who saved him, the one he clung to so desperately last night.

It was weird really, how much I actually cared for him. I had only known him for a few hours. Already, I wanted nothing more than to get him through the pain. I wanted to hold him again, wanted to whisper into his ear. To know that I was needed was a great feeling, and I didn't want to let it go.

So why had I left? Why had I walked down the hall into the room of a person who clearly didn't need me anymore. Demyx was right, I was a nurturer by nature. I needed to be needed. Sometimes that was a blessing, sometimes a curse. I wasn't sure which it was this time, but I was determined to find out.

I left Demyx's room without so much as a goodbye, but he wouldn't hold it against me. I was the sort of person that could only focus on one thing. He knew that Roxas was that one thing right now. I wanted to thank him, for that little time we'd just spent together was more than enlightening.

I didn't need to know what Demyx felt every time I touched him. His still beating heart had nothing to do with Roxas or myself. All that mattered was that I stayed with him, got him through this. Soon he would be better, I knew it. Yet, until then, he needed me.

With that thought driving me I walked back to his room quickly. When I opened the door I was greeted by the sight of frightened, tear-filled sapphire eyes. The sight was enough to rip the heart I once possessed out of my chest. Roxas really did need me. I couldn't leave him. And maybe I needed this just as much as he did.

He was still trembling, not that I had thought he would stop, and when the door had swung open he had started to fall. I caught him again, relieved that his thin body did not hit the ground.

"How many times am I going to have to save you?" I asked, my voice a lot calmer than I felt.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. He curled into my arms, his legs unable to hold him upright. I took my time in lifting him off the ground. He was really light, and the slightest of movement would hurt him. I never considered myself a heavy person, but the feel of him against me was amazing. He was so little, so lithe. It was almost scary.

"Don't be sorry," I said reassuringly, "just stop moving."

I think I got a chuckle from him then. The sound was wonderful, and I found myself smiling. I placed him back on his bed and climbed in beside him, my body acting as a barrier between him and the floor.

I guess I decided then that I was going to stay with him, for I fell back to sleep within a few minutes. My arms never left his small waist.

**Note: Okay so go easy on me. This is the first time I've written from Axel's POV, and I think it's a little OOC. I know that it works for the story, and Axel can be angsty, but did I go overboard? I don't know. Well, tell me what you think. Someone else will be introduced in the next chapter or so, then the story will really pick up. Okay, just like to thank you all again. Review please? **

**Ayumi**


End file.
